Squall's Journal
by LibraryGirl
Summary: No one expected Squall Leonhart, of all people, to keep a journal. And the one person he did not want reading it... Was the first to take a peek.
1. What Started it All

Title: Squall's Journal

Author: LibraryGirl

Rating: PG-13

Notes: Language

Status: incomplete

Summary: No one expected that Squall Leonhart, of all people, kept a journal. And the one person who he definitely did not want to read it...

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form, own any FF8 characters. I do, however, own the plot. Thank you, and enjoy!

Prologue - What Started It All

            Squall Leonhart looked at the unwrapped gift, a slight look of disgust creeping across his usual look of indifference. He didn't know what to say. He knew he should thank his father, but he couldn't bring himself to do such thing after receiving such a Hyne awful present.

            "It's a journal," Laguna informed his son cheerfully.

            "Really?" His voice came out sounding more disgusted than he had intended. Thankfully, Laguna wasn't too keen on picking up on people's emotions.

            The older man smiled brightly and nodded. "We thought you might like one, to help sort out your thoughts."

            Father and son were alone in the President's personal office. Laguna had insisted that Squall visit Esthar for his birthday, to get away from the hectic life as Commander. Squall had been reluctant, not wanting to leave his work. So, being the secretive guy he was, he had been able to sneak some paperwork. He felt more comfortable doing work, and he didn't have to worry about leaving it behind.

            Currently, Laguna continued to look at his son, happiness mingling with pride in his dark eyes.

            "It's nice," Squall forced himself to say. _Great, Squall, lie to your own flesh and blood. Watch out for that lightning bolt._

"Really? You're not just saying that?" The President of Esthar, Squall realized guiltily had never sounded so hopeful.

            The High Commander forced himself to shake his head, and he suddenly found himself in a tight, almost suffocating, hug.

            "I didn't know what else to get you. Kiros suggested it."

            _Note to self: Beat the crap out of Kiros._ "Tell him I said thank you. It's lovely." _Lovely? Hyne, Squall. _

            Laguna beamed. 

            Squall nodded absently and turned the journal over, examining it closely. He admitted to himself that it did look nice, with its royal blue fabric and silver lock. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

            "Look inside."

            "What?" Squall looked up at his father. 

            "Open it!" Laguna practically bounced up and down, briefly reminding Squall of Selphie.

            The hero cautiously did as instructed, anticipating something to jump out at him. Instead of being attacked, he found a short note written inside the front cover:

_            Squall,_

_            I can never make up for missing your childhood. However, you make me proud, and I will always be thankful for you. You have grown into a fine warrior and an honorable young man. I hope to be a part of the rest of your life, making up for those lost years. Happy Birthday!"_

_Love, _

_Laguna_

            Squall could easily admit that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said for him. He still wasn't one to show his emotions, so he simply nodded his thanks and tried to smile. "Thank you." He was able, however, to give Laguna a hug.

            Though they were both new to having a family, they knew of that special bond. After the war, they had grown closer, yet not pushing anything to the point of annoyance. Now they communicated on a regular basis, and they were attempting to mend broken ties.

            "So, you really like it?" Laguna asked, just to make sure.

            A very rare smile crossed Squall's features. "Yes. It's very thoughtful."

            Again, Laguna beamed proudly and told himself to thank Kiros later. 

            Squall figured that the gift couldn't be too bad. What evil could come of a journal?

            Little did he know, the answer would soon come to him.


	2. Welcome Back

Chapter One - Welcome Back

            Rinoa Heartilly greeted Squall as soon as he arrived back at Balamb. She hardly even waited for him to put his bags down before jumping into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck.

            Squall, however, was not as enthusiastic about seeing her. He patted her back awkwardly, trying not to flinch.

            "Squally! I missed you so much!" she squealed like a young child and tried to steal a kiss from the Commander's lips.

            Luckily, he turned his head just in time and saved his lips from the torture. "Thank you, Rinoa," he told her.

            She unattached herself from him and gave him a feel-sorry-for-me look. "You're not happy to see me?" she pouted, bottom lip trembling.

            _Honestly, no, he answered her silently. He picked his bags back up and moved past her, going further into Balamb Garden. He found himself in the lobby, and he reveled in the feel of being back home._

            Rinoa, of course, followed. "Angelo missed you, too."

            _Really? Where is the stupid mutt now? Squall mused to himself, continuing towards his dorm._

            "Aren't you going to say anything to me?"

            Squall was about to reply with a harsh response ("Sure, I'll say something: Get the hell away from me."), but Selphie came bounding to them, excitedly welcoming Squall back.

            Rinoa gave the energetic girl a jealous look, cursing her for stealing her Squally's attention.

            Selphie turned to Rinoa. "Rin, I think you might want to head to the cafeteria. Angelo is trying to steal Zell's hotdogs, and Zell's threatening to Booya the poor puppy," she said, her green eyes wide, as if she actually cared.

            Rinoa's eyes widened also, though hers were fearful. "Angelo?" She gave Squall a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying off towards the cafeteria.

            Selphie waited until Rinoa had disappeared before she burst into a fit of giggles.

            Squall gave her a strange look and picked up his bags to continue on to his room.

            "That was pretty clever, huh?" she asked between giggles, following Squall.

            "Whatever." Squall wasn't following whatever she was talking about, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

            "Angelo isn't even in the cafeteria!" Selphie continued to giggle, wiping a tear from her eye.

            "Then why'd you tell Rinoa that he was?" Squall inquired. He stopped in front of his dorm and tapped his code into the keypad to unlock it.

            "You looked annoyed. You should be thanking me." Selphie smiled and put her hands on her hips.

            Squall felt like smiling also, but he kept his serious expression. "Thank you, Selphie."

            Selphie's smile widened. "No problem-o, Commander. Rinoa's such a poopy-head." She followed Squall into his dorm without stopping to ask permission.

            He didn't mind Selphie's presence, yet, so he allowed her to come in. Squall put his bags on his bed. "Why do you say that?"

            The energetic brunette's face suddenly darkened, and a low growl sounded deep in her throat. "Angelo tinkled on the Quad's stage. I got mad and told Rinoa, but she said that it wasn't her fault the stage looks like crap." Selphie sighed and sat down on Squall's bed, beside his suitcases. "I can't stand her sometimes, Squall. I know it's not very nice, but she just… Grrr! Really pisses me off!"

            Squall chuckled softly and shook his head. "Don't let her get to you."

            "Can't we kick her out of Garden or something?" Selphie asked, looking at Squall hopefully.

            "Not without good reason. You know that, Selph."

            "Can't we accuse her of attempting to blow us all to smithereens? I did see her looking at Irvy kinda mean."

            Throwing Rinoa out of Garden sounded like a great idea to Squall, but he knew they couldn't just kick her out. He had made a promise to look after her. Making that promise, he knew, had been the biggest mistake of his life. He couldn't just break that promise; Squall wasn't that kind of person.

            "We just have to deal with her, I guess," Selphie was saying. She sighed to herself. Dealing with Rinoa was the last thing she wanted to do, but she had to at least give it a try. "How was Esthar?" she changed the subject.

            Squall shrugged and unzipped his first bag, pulling out the gift he had bought for Selphie. "I got you something." He handed her the gift bag.

            "Aw! Squall, you didn't have to get me anything. It was your birthday!" Selphie looked into the bag and pulled out a stuffed moomba. "Cuteness! Thank you, Squall." She gave him a hug and quick kiss on the cheek.

            "I got you a post card, too." He opened the bag's side pocket and retrieved the card he had picked out for Selphie.

            She giggled happily and hugged the moomba close to her chest while examining the post card: a picture of Esthar at night, its bright lights illuminating the dark. "Thank you!" She continued to hug her moomba and put the card in her pocket. "Did you get something for everyone else? What did you get? What did you get?" She began to bounce on the bed.

            Squall contemplated whether or not he should tell her; Selphie was known for ruining surprises. He figured she couldn't ruin this one since he'd give the rest of his gifts before she had a chance to tell. "I got a dictionary for Quistis; it's the latest Richardson edition, and it includes a map and a thesaurus. I also got her a post card." He showed her Quistis' gift. "For Zell I got a booklet of gift certificates for Harry's Hotdog Heaven."

            Selphie laughed. "Does he have to go all the way to Esthar to use it?" 

            "Nope." Squall shook his head. "They're valid at any participating Harry's Hotdog Heaven."

            "Zell will definitely like that."

            "For Irvine I got a poster of that Girl Next Door model he likes so much, Naomi Roberts." He didn't want to show that one to Selphie, fearing she'd get upset when she saw what the model was wearing (or wasn't wearing).

            "Didja get anything for Rhino?" Selphie smiled innocently.

            "I got some gourmet dog treats for her and Angelo."

            "You've heard that rumor, too?" She gave in to another fit of giggles.

            A rumor was going around Garden that Rinoa and Angelo often fought over Angelo's dog treats. It was believed that Rinoa tried to eat the last treat of the box before Angelo even got a chance.

            "Did you get anything from Sir Laguna?"

            "He gave me a journal." He tried not to sound so unenthusiastic about it, honestly he did, but he found it rather hard to get excited over a journal.

            "Ooo, really? That's nice. Now you can keep up with your thoughts. You better keep it hidden, or someone might try to read it," Selphie wisely advised.

            Squall nodded and put the journal on his bed. He was going to take Selphie's advice, but he couldn't understand why anyone would want to read his journal. He probably wouldn't even write in it very often. "Thanks, Selphie."

            Selphie nodded, still hugging the moomba close. "Everyone's in the cafeteria, if you want to give them their gifts."

            Squall remained silent, falling back into his state of indifference. He gathered up the gifts before following Selphie out into the hall.


	3. First Entry and the Morning After

Chapter Two - First Entry and the Morning After

            _Aug. 30_

_            I am Squall Leonhart._

_            I don't know why I felt the need to tell you that, but it's always best to start out with the basics. _

_            Laguna got this journal for me for my 19th birthday. Honestly, what is an nineteen-year-old boy going to do with a journal?_

_            I don't talk that much anyway. You shouldn't expect me to write much either._

_-Squall_

Squall read over the entry and sighed to himself. It sounded lame, but he didn't know what else to write. He wasn't one for being an emotional person. 

            Sighing, he added more:

            _I'm back._

_            Everyone liked their gifts. They're pretty easy to shop for. Quistis even said she'd wanted one of those dictionaries. Rinoa and Angelo are enjoying their dog treats. Rinoa says he loves them, and I've heard she does too._

_            Rinoa's nice._

_            I guess._

_            She's extremely clingy, but I guess she needs some stability to help her get through life. I don't know why she chose me of all people. I can't always be there to look after her; she's too much of a child. _

_            I can't stand children. It's not that I hate them, no, but they're always getting into trouble, and they always need someone to help them get out of trouble. Just like Rinoa: always getting into trouble and always needing someone to get her out._

_            A child._

_            Always whining about something._

            Squall stopped his pen, suddenly feeling bad about writing mean things about Rinoa in his first entry. All of the things were true, of course, but he just felt bad.

            A slight smirk crossed his lips when he realized that just because he felt bad  didn't mean he was going to change it.

            The hand holding the pen quickly moved farther and farther down the paper as he filled the rest of the page with random thoughts on his life. When finished, he put the journal in the third drawer down of his desk and turned off the lights before climbing into bed. He found comfort in the cool white sheets. It felt good to be back home. He cherished the feel of being back in his own bed, of being back in his own shelter. Not that he didn't like spending time with his father; it was just that Squall was the kind of person who needed to feel at home before opening up. Now, he was at home, safe and sound in his own bed. 

            Looking across the dimly lit room, Squall eyed his desk. His slate gray orbs were transfixed on the third drawer. He couldn't help but feel an odd premonition stirring within him. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have a journal after all. 

            Squall shrugged the feeling off and turned over under the sheets, facing the wall instead of the desk. He told himself he was being silly. He chuckled. If only any of his friends could picture Squall being silly. His reputation would be ruined, God forbid. 

            After his chuckles had subsided, Sleep slowly wrapped her loving arms around the young man, and his eyes closed dreamily as she held him in her arms. 

*

            Squall awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. It was a new day. He always loved waking up to new days, for Squall Leonhart took pleasure in the simple things. He stumbled around his dorm and drank orange juice in between nibbles on a bagel. After showering and dressing, Garden's beloved Commander grabbed his new journal from the drawer and left for his office. 

            When there, he sat comfortably in the chair behind his desk and leaned back, letting a rare smile cross his soft lips. He couldn't figure out why he was smiling, but it felt good to do so. Knowing he had work to do, he set to it and began going through the papers that had piled up since he had left for his mini-vacation. Before he could really get started, however, Rinoa slipped into his office with her usual perky smile. 

            "Good morning, Dear," she greeted, holding her hands behind her back as always. "Sleep well?"

            He nodded slightly and prayed that she would leave soon so that he could get to work. 

            "I'm really glad you're back, Squally." With this said she walked over and stood beside him at his desk. "I missed you."

            He was tempted to reply with his trademark 'Whatever,' yet, something stopped him. "I'm glad I'm back too." There was slight pull at the corner of his lips, as if he were trying to reassure her. 

            She returned the smile and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "Try not to work too…" Her almond eyes fell on the dark blue notebook that was Squall's journal. "Is that what President Laguna gave you for your birthday?"

            Squall never knew Rinoa could get so excited over such a gift. "Yes."

            Her hands left their position and went in front of her to meet as she clapped. "Wonderful! Now you can get to write down what you think, and you don't have to worry about speaking them aloud!" Rinoa Heartilly seemed overjoyed by the fact.

            "Right."

            "No, seriously, Squally. Think about the possibilities!" She gestured with her hand. "You can't go wrong with a journal." Rinoa squealed. "I can't wait till you let me read it!"


End file.
